Wait, What?
by korben600
Summary: RNJR has to deal with one of their members acting a little strangely...
1. Chapter 1

Ruby: "Jaune, not that we don't believe you, but-"

Nora: "We don't"

Ren: "Nora…"

Jaune: "Look, guys, I'm not joking, I can hear Pyrrha in my head, our souls are connected and I think after she died she drifted to me."

Ruby: "Look, Jaune, we've been walking for hours, maybe we should-"

Jaune: "Alright, fine, if you don't believe me, ask me something only Pyrrha would know"

Ruby: "Jaune…"

Ren: "Ruby, perhaps we should at least hear him out?"

Ruby: "Hmmph, fine, alright, what would we know that Pyrrha knows but Jaune doesn't…"

RNR: "..."

Nora: "What was Pyrrha's first tournament victory?"

Jaune: "Mistral, about 3 years before entering Beacon"

Ruby: "No, Nora, anyone could've found that on the CCT..."

Jaune: "Wait, what? Are you implying-"

Ren: "Jaune, we're just trying to think of harder questions that only Pyrrha would be able to answer…"

Nora: "OH, I got it! Jaune, when did you first meet Pyrrha?"

Jaune: "What are you talking about, it was when she saved me in the Emerald For-wait, what, Pyrrha's saying at the lockers right before that. Why would you ask me that, we were both-"

Ren: "Good thinking Nora, Jaune, how many times has Pyrrha pinned you to a wall with her spear?"

Jaune: "5, again, I was there, why would I not-wait, that number sounds a little high-"

Ren: "What's Jaune's recurring nightmare?"

Jaune: "Falling while being chased by Professor Goodwitch? What, I don't have nightmares about that-"

Ruby: "Pyrrha, what's Jaune's underwear size?"

Jaune: "Underwear size, why are you...Pyrrha says 'Large, 36-38 with a nylon straps' wait-"

Ruby: "Pyrrha!? What-how-"

Jaune: "I told you all, wait, why-"

Nora: "PYRRHA YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Jaune: "Nora NO! OWW, crushing me-Nora!"

Ruby: "Oh Oum, Pyrrha I'm so sorry, I didn't get there fast enough I should've-"

Jaune: "Gahh, Ruby, Pyrrha doesn't blame you, and says something about how she approves of you taking her place and she wishes you luck, something about the 'best hearts lie behind dense heads' is that a code or some-Nora! Diaphragm caving in-"

Ren: "It is good to hear that you are alive Pyrrha, though it is unfortunate that you are stuck in Jaune's head"

Jaune: "Ren, she says thanks, and that my head isn't the worst place to be-AH, Nora!"

Nora: "I'm just so happy you're alive Pyrrha!"

Jaune: "Not for long if you keep squeezing"

Nora: "Sorry"

Jaune: *cough**cough* "Trust me Nora, she's happy to be alive too…Now, going back to the more important point, Ruby, why on _Remnant_ do you and Pyrrha know my underwear size…"

* * *

 **A.N.: Supposed to be happy, short, and funny, may add more if I get more funny thoughts or ideas. Feel free to add more ideas in reviews or PMs. Might be posted on tumblr under the same username, but be warned, my Tumblr is a sinkhole of politics and multiple fandoms...I don't own RWBY or this would probably be canon.**

 **Edit: redid the first chapter, added names since it was a bit unclear last time. Hopefully none of the charm is lost.**


	2. Chapter 2

Nora: Are we there yet?

Jaune: Nora, we've been travelling for only 5 hours.

Nora: Yes, but these villages are only supposed to be an hour away….

Jaune: Nora, just hold out okay, besides, I doubt they have any pancakes there.

Nora: Ha ha ha, very funny, "Jaune the comedian", did you get Pyrrha's sense of humor with her soul?

Jaune: Nooo...Pyrrha, no, there's nothing wrong with your sense of humor…yes I'm sure...no, goddammit, ask Nora then, she's the one who-

Ren: Jaune?

Jaune: …

Jaune: You didn't hear the other side of the conversation did you?

Ren: No

Jaune: ...Do you want to?

Ren: No

Nora: Not really! Anyway, I'm serious guys, we've been walking in circles.

Jaune: What, no we haven't! Ruby's a great navigator!

Ren: She once got lost inside of a classroom.

Jaune: What? That was just one time, she was too short to see over the desks. She's inches better now!

Nora: Look, trust me, we're walking in circles okay? We've seen that tree five times.

Jaune: Nora, all the tree's look the same.

Nora: That one has a face on it. It looks like Ren's Uncle Hanzo.

Jaune: Nora, there are no faces in trees, and we're not walking in circles. Ren, help me out here.

Ren: That tree does look like my Uncle Hanzo…

Jaune: Goddammit Ren.

Ren: ...and this area does look familiar.

Jaune: Ren! I thought you were on my side!

Ren: I am merely stating the facts. Perhaps we could make a marker to see who is correct?

Jaune: Look, fine, okay, but I'm telling you-

*BOOM**BOOM**BOOM*

Jaune: NORA! WHAT THE HELL?

Nora: What? Didn't we need a marker?

Ren: Nora, you didn't need to blow up the entire tree. One shot would've been sufficient.

*WHOOSH* _The air suddenly smells of Rose petals..._

Ruby: GUYS! Are you okay, I heard an explosion!

Jaune: We're fine Ruby, we just had a disagreement.

Ruby: ...Do most of your disagreements involve explosives?

Ren, Nora, and Jaune: Yes.

Ruby: okay…

Jaune: Oh, come on Ruby, you're telling me your team never solved their problems with excessive violence?

Ruby: No, we were calm, collected, professional, and-

Nora: What about that time Weiss froze Jaune?

Ruby: Hey, he startled her.

Jaune: What about when Yang tried to use Ember Celica to kill a spider?

Ruby: That was justified, besides Ms. Goodwitch put the wall back together…

Ren: What about when Blake hit Jaune because he accidentally took her issue of Ninja's of Love?

Ruby: Okay, Blake is a little possessive…

Jaune: Pyrrha feels the need to mention that time Yang kicked me in the uh...family jewels, for accidentally looking at you for too long. Also, ow, did you need to remind me of that Pyrrha? Thank Monty for aura…

Ruby: She was just being overprotective…

Nora: What about that time she hit Jaune so hard he went through the ceiling of professor Port's class?

Ruby: I'm...not actually sure why she did that

Jaune: Yeah, I don't know either, I think she said she was bored.

Ren: What about that time your sister-

Ruby: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I get it, okay, I am in no place to judge your problem-solving methods, geez, I'm going to go back to navigating and scouting, just, try not to destroy the whole forest while you figure it out okay?

Jaune: Don't worry Ruby, I don't think we'll need to break anymore trees. Right guys?

Ren: That should be sufficient.

Nora: Aww…

Ren: Nora, we need to conserve ammunition

Ruby: Alright, I'm off, call me if you need me.

*WHOOSH*

* * *

 _An hour later…_

Jaune: Goddammit…

Nora: I TOLD YOU SO!

Ren: Perhaps we should call Ruby?

Jaune: Alright, hold on...HEY RUBY!

Ruby: WHAT?

Jaune: CAN YOU COME OVER HERE FOR A MINUTE?

Ruby: SURE!

*WHOOSH*

Ruby: Hey guys, what's up?

Jaune: Ruby, we've been walking in circles.

Ruby: What? How do you know?

Nora: I blew up a tree!

Ruby: What?

Jaune: We made a marker by blowing up a tree that looked like Ren's Uncle Hanzo, look, is there any way that the directions given could've been wrong?

Ruby: Directions, what directions?

Ren: Ruby, the man at the gate, telling you how to we could go to Tianjing Province?

Ruby: Oh, he didn't give me directions, he just told me to only take forks that went south on the road.

Jaune: Wait, then what have you been doing up front?

Ruby: Oh, uhh, I've been checking my compass-and scouting for Grimm!

Jaune: Compass? Let me see.

 _Jaune examines the device_

Jaune: huh, it looks broken, its needle is stuck.

Ruby: Stuck?

Jaune: Look, if I turn around, in a circle it just faces forward

Ruby: That's wierd, it turned when it was with me. Lemme have that. Weird, it turns when I turn around. Actually, it's always pointing in the same direction. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was pointed towards Jaune…

Nora: I don't know anything that'd mess with a compass, hey, why don't we ask Pyrrha if there's anything in Mistral that'd mess with a compass?

Jaune: Pyrrha feels the need to mention that Mistral is really big, she was a city girl so she doesn't know much about this area, and that she doesn't know anything that could mess with...magnetic...fields...

Ren and Jaune: …

RJ: Ohhhh…

Ruby: What?

Jaune: Nothing.

Ren: Let's just say that compasses are not going to be useful for the foreseeable future. We can use the direction of the sun's travel to determine where south is.

Jaune: Besides Rubles, you've been walking ahead the whole time anyway, slow down and walk with us. Ren can tell you all about his Uncle Hanzo. He's a cyborg with this cool katana!

Ruby: Katana!?

Ren: *sighs* My Uncle _Genji_ uses a technologically enhanced wakizashi and katana, and has cybernetic enhancements…

 _Walk into the distance_

* * *

 **AN: Longer than last one, and ripping off a joke from RWBY Chibi, Hope Ya'll like it!**


	3. Chapter 3: Decision Making Skills

[RNJR is walking down a road]

Ruby: …

Nora: …

Ren: …

Jaune: …

Ruby: Fork in the road.

Nora: Oh great, two more roads identical to the one we've been on for the past hour.

Ruby: At least it's _something_ different from the past two hours, right guys?

Ren: I have personally enjoyed the last few hours of solitude.

Jaune: Huh? You guys say something? Oh hey, a fork in the road!

Ruby: Jaune? You here?

Jaune: Yeah, sorry, Pyrrha's been telling me about some of the Grimm we might encounter in Mistral.

Nora: Does she know what's the right way to Haven?

Jaune: She says "Either way is fine. Both are perfectly safe."

Ruby: The map agrees, same distance and elevation changes.

Nora: So...which way do we go?

RNJR: …

Jaune: Left?

Ren: Left does seem more even and similar to what we've been travelling.

Nora: What? Why would we want to see the same old trees everywhere, I say right!

Ruby: I'm going to go with Nora on this one.

Jaune: Yeah, but there's less cover.

Ruby: We can cover more ground more quickly without trees.

Ren: But would moving faster at the expense of defence be a good trade?

Ruby: YES.

Jaune: ...of course _you'd_ say that.

Ruby: _What's that supposed to mean?_

Jaune: Nothing!

Ruby: Thought so….

RNJR: ...

Jaune: So...as a ghost, Pyrrha's abstaining, so it's a tie vote, how do we decide where to go?

Nora: I got it! Let's let Manghild decide!

RJR: …

Jaune: Ruby what'd you do?

Ruby: Me?!

Jaune: My teammate suddenly thinks weapons can talk, now who do you think convinced her of that? Hmmmmm….

Ruby: Hey, I can't help it if Nora learns to respect her weapon like I do!

Nora: HEY! I wasn't talking about Manghild talking…

Jaune: Ohthankgod.

Ruby: Darn. And shut up Jaune.

Ren: So what was your idea Nora?

Nora: So at the last town, I got a bunch of random coins-

Jaune: Why did you-

Nora: NO INTERRUPTING. Anyway… I got a bunch of random coins, and they have a picture of some old guy on one side, and an eagle on the other. The shopkeep said they were basically worthless now, but people like using them to settle disputes.

Ruby: Disputes?

Nora: You flip the coin in the air, and one of you calls head's or tail's. The other person automatically gets the other side. Whichever side lands with its face up wins and gets it.

Jaune: ...sounds reasonable to me.

Ruby: Yeah, I'm cool with that.

Ren: Nora, what did you mean "Let Manghild decide"?

Nora: I'm glad you asked Renny! I could flip the coins on my own, but….that's boring! So, I'm going to fire it out of Manghild!

Jaune: ...and we're back to being insane.

Ruby: Oooh, actually, that's smart! Grenade launchers have a powerful spring in them, that'll flip it out without the grenade.

Jaune: Oh, that sounds fine.

Ren: Ah, that makes sense.

Nora: Yeeesss….that's totally what I meant, without the grenade. Right…

RJR: …

Jaune: Nora, just fire the coin already.

Nora: Yes, fearless leader!

[thump][Nora catches the quarter][tink][Nora slaps it on the back of her hand]

Ruby: Heads!

[Nora looks at it]

Nora: Tails. Gahh, I guess we go left...with more trees.

Ren: Don't worry Nora, we will find something to entertain us…

* * *

[some time later]

Ruby: Head's Jaune has to tell if he still has that onesie.

Jaune: Pyrrha says "Tail's: Ruby has to tell a funny story about Yang", ooh, that's a good one Pyrrha!

Ruby: Deal!

[thump][tink]

Jaune: Tails!

Ruby: Oh, fine...it's not as fun without her here to try to stop me, okay, so Yang used to have this boyfriend-

* * *

[some time later]

Nora: Tails, Ren has to cook chocolate soup tonight!

Ren: Heads, I cook something healthy.

Nora: You drive a hard bargain, deal…

[thump][tink]

Jaune: Heads, aww, Nora, why'd you have to bet that!

Ruby: Yeah Nora, we all have to eat ya'know? Well, except for Pyrrha, no offence.

Jaune: Pyrrha says it's it's worth being dead to not eat Ren's smoothies.

Ren: Hey!

Ruby: Pyrrha got savage in the afterlife didn't she...

* * *

[some time later]

Jaune: Alright Ruby, heads, no cookies for a week!

Ruby: *GASP* HOW DARE-

Jaune: You've been just eating cookies for weeks, you're going to get sick! Yang will kill me if I let you keep eating like that. Pyrrha agrees.-Wait, on the sick bit or Yang killing me? … Both?-Yeah, she agrees with me on both.

Ruby: PFHTH….urrh, fine. But if it's Tails...you and Ren have to walk around without shirts on!

Jaune: What? Why?

Ruby: Um, uh, because that's how I would feel without cookies!

Jaune: Half naked and confused?

Ruby: Uh...I don't judge your onesie!

Jaune: Yes you do, all the time. And why Ren too? I mean, he looks better than me without a shirt but still…

Ruby: How do you know that?

Jaune: We shared a room, and a bathroom. He's ripped, but not like jacked.

Nora: He's more sleek like a ninja.

Jaune: Yeah, but he's got enough curves to look good.

Nora: Ren, are you blushing?

Ren: Don't drag me into this.

Jaune: Too late for that. If anything, blame Ruby, she dragged you into this.

Ruby: Hey, this is a _team_ activity, I wanted Nora invested in this too.

Nora: Thanks Ruby!

Ruby: No problem.

Ren: I hate all of you.

Nora: Even me?

Ren: No. But the rest of you can burn.

Ruby: Don't be a spoilsport Ren. Anyway, deal?

Jaune: Eh, I haven't lost a flip yet.

[thump][tink]

Ren: ...I hate you Jaune.

Jaune: Darn, tails.

Ruby: Welp, you two know what that means…

Jaune: Hold on...what's that Pyrrha? Oh, that's a great idea! Hey Ruby, Pyrrha suggests double or nothing, heads, we lose our armor and undershirts, if tails, you lose two weeks of cookies…

Ruby: …

Nora: DEAL!

Ruby: Hey! Fine...

[thump][tink]

Ren: Jaune, I'm going to hit you.

Nora: Tails! Wohoo! Strip 'em down boys!

Jaune: Hmmm...

Ren: Jaune, don't you dare-

Jaune: Triple or nothing!

Ruby/Nora: DEAL!

* * *

[some time later]

Ren: Jaune, I am never letting you within 100 feet of a casino…

Jaune: Aw come on, how was I supposed to predict I'd miss a coin toss six times in a row? Besides, it's nice and warm. We don't need any jackets right now...or shirts...or pants.

Ren: I hate you.

Jaune: No you don't. I still don't get why the girls are walking behind us, shouldn't they be ahead of us to protect us from the Grimm?

Ren: How are you supposed to be the smart one on the team?

Jaune: What?

Ren: Nothing.

Jaune: Come on, it's not that bad, besides, you don't look half bad without pants on. You've got the legs for it-hey, where're you going? Ren, slow down! What'd I say!

[about 20 feet behind them]

Nora: You're getting this on video right?

Ruby: Oh yeah...Yang is going to be soooo mad she didn't come-damn, Ren can sprint...

Nora: HEY JAUNE, CAN YOU GRAB REN, HE DROPPED SOMETHING!

Ruby: You are evil-oh, Ren's running again, think Jaune can catch him?

Nora: Oh yeah, wait, they're going right for the mud patch oh no, you don't think-

Ruby: No, they're responsible huntsmen in training, they'd never fall into a mud pit while mostly naked-OH, there they go! Oh, it's in Ren's hair, now it's _on_.

Nora: Should we stop this?

Ruby: ...there's a stream nearby, they can wash up later, in the meantime we can watch two of them wrestle, with mud all over them….

RN: …

Nora: TAKE HIM DOWN REN! Want some peanuts?

Ruby: Thank you. DON'T LISTEN TO NORA, YOU'VE GOT THIS JAUNE!

* * *

[some time later]

Jaune: Agh, geez, Ren can be really slippery when covered in mud.

Ruby: I'll say, he slipped out of your grip like 5 times.

Jaune: Huh, that's probably good for him. Still annoying when I've got mud everywhere. Took way too long to wash all of that out. Didn't help that we both felt like someone was watching us.

Ruby: Huh...how about that…

Jaune: Well, G'night Ruby!

Ruby: G'night Jaune!

Jaune: Oh, and Pyrrha wanted me to give you this, it's the coin you won with. She also says to tell you… "You're welcome"? Pyrr, I swear you're getting more cryptic by the day...

Ruby: Uh, thanks Pyrrha?

[Jaune shrugs and walks to his sleeping bag]

[Ruby slips into her sleeping bag]

[Ruby looks at the coin for a few seconds and shrugs]

[She pulls Crescent Rose nearer to her bag cuddling it]

[She sees the coin wiggle, and it flies through the air to magnetically to stick to her gun]

[Ruby looks at it curiously, then she smiles viciously]

Ruby: Pyrrha you evil genius...thanks for the show...

* * *

 **A/N Finally got a semi-decent idea for this...sorry for the wait! Hope you all liked the new chapter!**


End file.
